A few short years ago… I was told I would never have children. I was told many things and to sum it all up it came down to… unexplained infertility and male factor. Well my story gets even harder, so sad and weird. Not only did I have several losses but I went through many years of not understanding God’s plan for my life. I knew he was always walking right beside me but I questioned his intentions and purpose. In 2014, God worked everything out so we could do IVF. I went through several months of prepping and planning for my miracle to finally happen! Well, it wasn’t ever that easy or simple. I got a big fat negative after the IVF. Imagine knowing that God gave you this incredible desire to be a mother and you all of a sudden weren’t able to even see that mountain being climbed. Imagine feeling lost and let go from the God who created you. Well, God put me through this to make me stronger because he knew I would need strength to be a mom and endurance.
Just two short months after I felt my prayer would never be a reality, I found out I was pregnant. Yes, naturally. I could talk so much about my birth stories because I have two beautiful girls but not without some pain and obstacles. Which brings me here today. My husband and I are getting a divorce. You see, things have never be quite right. However, that is a whole different blog which maybe one day I will start as I continue the healing journey that I am on in my life as God restores me and makes me 100% sold out to him in every way.
Soooo… leading up to today… James and I talked several months ago about giving our embryo’s up for adoption. James mentioned just disposing but I had much concern for these 2 frozen embryos that we have left are actually created by God. How incredible that they are just frozen in time. We found an amazing couple and I could not be more thrilled. They will have there transfer soon and my girls could have siblings out there. The question is do I want more children? I do… I always wanted lots but in my current situation with my relationship with my husband, my plate is full. The yearly storage fees are heavy and my heart longs for those babies to have a chance at a beautiful life. I have great love for those frozen babies. Now that sounds weird but can you imagine loving embryos because they are my biological babies. I love them so much that I am giving them a chance. I love my girls and I want them to know what I went through to be able to become a mother and these embryos are part of that journey. I could never imagine disposing of human life. I have so much to write about and this is just the start of this incredible, hard, but beautiful journey.,